Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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