They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
