you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
