I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Vodka?
Forever.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
