Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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