ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you had me at cake vodka
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
