oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
