i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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