Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
