He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
