We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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