He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
