There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
