Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
