If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
