The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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