Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
last night I used snow as a chaser
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