sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
