I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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