11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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