Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sober January is a disaster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
