yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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