He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
