I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
