for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize