If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
