You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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