come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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