When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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