ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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