You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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