you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
