So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
