So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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