Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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