i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
