Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
