haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
