Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
