i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
