i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forget how to act sober
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
