I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
