the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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