You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
