i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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