Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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