Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
