could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
