Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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