no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
