ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
