the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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