He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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