U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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