Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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