i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Congratulations! We have a period
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
