the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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