Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
