Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
