so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
