i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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