Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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