If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
