the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
