That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
